DEAR NAOMI

I haven’t really settled into the story of Naomi in a really long while but only last week i had a friend and sister help me create bible study lessons on women in scripture and then she sent me Naomi’s name i tied to think of what lessons there was to learn from Naomi but i couldn’t really think of any, i mean she was Ruth’s mother in-law what else? But then i went to read through and then believe me i could see a zillion Naomi’s around (including me). Come with me as i take you through:

Ruth 1: 20-21 (MSG)

“But she said, “Don’t call me Naomi; call me Bitter. The Strong One has dealt me a bitter blow. I left here full of life, and God has brought me back with nothing but the clothes on my back. Why would you call me Naomi? God certainly doesn’t. The Strong One ruined me.”

In verse 21 Naomi implies that God is the source of her suffering and no one should call her Naomi (which means pleasant) as God has dealt with her, here she is telling half truth, making it seem as God is some unkind God who cares less about her, however note that she left Israel to Moab because there was famine in Israel and there was food in Moab, she didn’t bother that God wasn’t worshiped there, she didn’t confirm from God if she was to go all she knew was the grass was greener on the other side so she went, and in Ruth 1:6 we’re told she returned to Israel not because it was her home country but because she heard that the land was blessed once again, that gives an impression that it wasn’t about where God placed her, or about where she had God with her, it was about where the land was green, however even after taking and making her choices she still found a way to pile the blame on Jesus for everything that went wrong. She says “the lord ruined me”. How many times have we been Naomi’s in our own lives, we make poor choices without the lords permission, we do things, move out of the land God has placed us without his consent and then when trouble come we blame the lord, weather its dating or marring an unbeliever, or moving cities or homes, or changing Jobs e.t.c?  Scripture says he that breaks the hedge serpent shall bite, do you realize that the lord builds and hedge around you wherever he places you and when you move out of there without him moving you, you are open to the bite of the serpent?

One time i left where the lord had placed me because of a guy i was “in love” with and then i got into a major trouble and like Naomi i was mad at the lord, stopped attending Church talked about how i was serving the lord and yet he allowed me to get into trouble and stuff when in reality is was merely serving a guy who was in the lord, and my dishonesty made my depression terrible until i was ready to be honest i struggled, and soon as i was honest and told the lord i was wrong, i moved when he asked me not to, i wasn’t even moving because i wanted him i moved because of a man, and i blamed him because i was ashamed of where my actions had led me, healing began in my life. I do not know what is going on in your life as a result of poor choices or as a result of leaving where the lord has placed you and as the Naomi that you (we) are you’re blaming the lord i hope today you take a minute and be honest with yourself, accept your fault repent and let your healing begin.

Secondly in verse 20, Naomi told people who called her Naomi (pleasant) to call her Mara (bitter water) how interesting is this? You see she was hurting and rightly so but then she went as far as speaking negativity over her life, proverbs 18:21a says “the tongue has the power of life and death” what do you call yourself, when people say call you rich lady do you “no mi I’m poverty itself” many of us especially ladies deal with so much that we being to speak death over our lives, I’m ugly, I’m worthless, I’m hopeless e.t.c,  it’s okay to be sad when trouble comes, but you need to be intentional about what you say over your life regardless, repent today dear Naomi and being speaking life over your life, you are beautiful, the Joy of the Lord is you strength. You are worthy e.t.c pick your words ensure; they contain life and speak them over your life. Another thing is if God didn’t place a desperate hunger for himself in Ruth Naomi’s bitterness could have rubbed off on Ruth after all they both lost their husbands, and they both have no other person with them right now and then the Naomi that was supposed to know the lord (being an Israelite) was bitter then Ruth could have decided to be bitter and then there would be no Boaz and she would never have been a part of the linage of our lord Jesus. So your bitterness could corrupt the goodly seed in the lives of other people connected to you. Think about this dear Naomi, repent and ask God to take away bitterness.

 

Xoxo

Unspoken woman

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GIRL! YOU’RE GRACED

 

 

I have Michael W. Smith’s grace playing even as i type this, i have had this song on replay since i downloaded it on Wednesday, you see this past Monday i had a moment and then gathered together all my past journals from way back and started read through, by the time i was done i was in a ball of tears, the entries reminded me of so much, there were entries on days i had health troubles, there were entries i wrote through moments of loneliness, through seasons all i felt was shame, there were entries i wrote when my heart was broken over and again, i had man problems(read men problems), i had personal problems, damn i had academic issues, my Gp had real falls and it was messy, i was suspended for a bit, mann i did have a lot going on for me, i spent days in tears, I’d never forget seasons i had to fake illness because my heart was hurting and i needed time away from school, my Journal reminded me of days of deep pain and then one question hit me, how on earth did i survive it all? How have i been able to juggle all the pain, the struggle and somehow graduated in good time, with an excellent result? How have i been able to go through the fire without burns?

A part of me would like to think I’m just a strong woman (you phenomenal woman and sturvs) but the part of me that’s responsible for honest conversations has to say that i was and i have been graced, that i couldn’t have gone through such storms and have no scars or scratch, you know when he said he gives strength to the weak? He didn’t lie he did that for me, know how he said his strength is made manifest in weakness? That is my story, that where my strength ended he took over I’m not interested in being strong there’s only so much my strength can do for me. I’m content being graced of the lord. I don’t know what point you are right now, where it feels like you have some much to juggle God has spoken to me and is speaking to you too “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” -2 corinthians 12:9, i think you should take a minute to ponder on the word “sufficient” it means the measure of grace you need is what’s available to you, you don’t have to manage, you don’t have to use the grace for writing to read there is grace to read and there is grace to write. Girlll you don’t seem to get me, you are graced. I do not know the place you are right now but i know you are graced for it, bask in this grace i mean revel in it! God’s got you, you are his and nothing can change that. The God who graced me has graced you too.

THE HAND THAT WILL CONTROL YOU

Happy new year darlings, i welcome you into the year 2017, the year 2016 was a bright one for me, God has been faithful so much he has already done and so much he is yet doing, i’m thankful for everyone who reads this blog, I’m not as devout as i would love to but then you’ve stayed through my non-devout moments and for that i am thankful, i can only pray that this year runs smooth for you and yours.

So to kick start this year i want to share something I’m running with this year, no i do not have a list of resolutions but then this really is something that i know we all need to know;

“The hands that feed you is the hand that will ultimately control you”

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FEEDING here doesn’t refer basically to physical food, it also refers to spiritual food, and emotional food, sexual food (for the married) and every other way hunger exist.

So i like to share a bit of my story every now and then, in relation to emotional feeding, So a season in my life i was insecure about a lot of things and especially those things i felt had fractured me in some way (my health, my big eyes, my previously lanky frame e.t.c) and then i met someone and then he started to help feed my insecurities, he’d call once in a while to tell me i was pretty, he knew how to make a person feel real good, and his hugs, oh my wow! His hugs were out of this world (allow me to be be carnal for a minute) he basically just whispered sweet empty nonsense’s (of course then it wasn’t nonsense) to me and i noticed something as our relationship (read situationship) continued i started to make certain insane sacrifices, there were moments all i wanted to do was sleep he’d call and i’d legit jump out of my bed and go to wherever he was not minding the distance i couldn’t afford to offend the one responsible for my daily dose of self esteem, he had me under his control full time, there were certain things i did I’m not even proud of, if i offended him i could grovel on my knees and beg till he said it was fine, now from this explanation you’d probably think he spent a lot of time with me? No he did not but like a thirsty dog I’d lap at every single 5 minutes he spared me. Until one day i decided i never wanted to feel like i did, he fed my insecurity and then owned me by feeding me, i was miserable, i was controlled, then it hit me that i had given the role of God to a man, its Gods duty to feed self esteem (not insecurity) and help you be better, because God is the only one who should control your life.

Be careful with handouts this year and where you source your income from, the hand that pays you will control you, i make dresses and my clients pay me, so long as they pay me they dictate what i would make for them and give timelines as to when they want their clothes by and in a way that controls me because i have to factor sewing time into my regular time. Be careful where you feed from financially they will control your life. Oh that reminds me, if you’re on twitter you possibly saw a picture that was viral on Sunday the 8th, it was a picture of a man who had two ladies with a leash with chains attached fixed to their necks and they held umbrellas over him, i heard he’d pay them for humiliating them in such a manner, so well since they feed off him, he has control over them to the extent of treating them like dogs. Be careful where you feed from financially.

Be careful where you feed from spiritually, this cannot be over emphasised, i see people do all sorts in the name of “my church said” or “my pastor said”, not every church is your church, not every pastor is your pastor, stop the whoredom this year, moving churches and displaying confused attributes, this is Nigeria where we take our pastors as mini God’s and their words are law. Be careful what church you attend, i would never tell you what church to attend and i would hardly be found promoting one church or stuff and its not because i don’t have a fixed church its because i try my best to feed from the lord, i cannot come and collect spiritual food that would upset my system and then produce spiritual allergies (nah I don’t want). Pick a church that feeds your spirit with the right things, don’t pick the popular church, be careful the men of “God” you place yourself under, with so much going on around you cannot afford to take off your spiritual shades and enter church anyhow, there are churches where members aren’t allowed to take drugs if they are sick, its either the lord heals you or takes you home, i cannot go there because i know God has me here for a reason (routine drugs and all), if i attend such a place i’d probably be no more by now (considering I’ve even had 5 surgeries would they have allowed me?). i don’t want to get started on my experiences with churches and stuff, i’ve made my fair share of errors and this year i’m being intentional as far as that goes, that a pastor says it doesn’t mean i would do it.

Many single and even marred have stayed in abusive relationships because of good sex, many times people just say this person should leave that person alone, he abuses her physically or emotionally or some other way, but baby you have no idea how good sex can destroy a life and a destiny. If you are single now you’d only do so right by yourself to avoid sex because you could be controlled until you marry a mad man with good sexual prowess. I cannot speak for the married tho.

Well that sums it up, for me this year i’m going to be super careful, no more feeding from random hands, i will let the lord feed me emotionally, i will be careful the people i work for and the people who give money to me, i wouldn’t go to churches anyhow, and i will pray for my husband (its never too early to pray for him btw) that he will be a man totally controlled by the lord that when he when he comes and begin to feed me emotionally (yes he will, he of course would not be my source, God is my source, but there would be a measure he will have to feed me), and also feeds sexually he would not control me to destruct but together our love will serve the almighty, and by our feeding one another God would be glorified.

DEAR SINGLE SISTER: GOD CANNOT BE MOCKED

UNSPOKEN WOMAN

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows”

-Gal 6:7

Basically scripture already warns us that God cannot be mocked, but we like to try anyway, so here’s my own tale of a mock surrender. Everyone of us gets to a point in our single life where we begin to soak in testimonies of other ladies who were single for a while and somehow in some amazing way God sent a partner their way, oh well i got to that stage and then i heard a particular one of a lady who after praying and waiting on the lord for a while decided to surrender her desire to the lord and before she knew it she met a man and ermm you know how they say it yh? So the amazing child of God that i am decided to try finding a partner like…

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DEAR SINGLE SISTER: GOD CANNOT BE MOCKED

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows”

-Gal 6:7

Basically scripture already warns us that God cannot be mocked, but we like to try anyway, so here’s my own tale of a mock surrender. Everyone of us gets to a point in our single life where we begin to soak in testimonies of other ladies who were single for a while and somehow in some amazing way God sent a partner their way, oh well i got to that stage and then i heard a particular one of a lady who after praying and waiting on the lord for a while decided to surrender her desire to the lord and before she knew it she met a man and ermm you know how they say it yh? So the amazing child of God that i am decided to try finding a partner like that too o ( shebi what’s good for the goose is good for the gander abi) so i went on my knees and prayed a prayer of ‘surrender’ in all fairness i wasn’t really surrendering oh but y’all know how you say “give me money if you feel like giving me” but then in your heart you’d cuss the person out if they don’t give you? Yeah its that kind of prayer, lord i’m content with you, but your heart is saying okay now can you send me a man lord? Well i thought had won oh because days later i met a man and he was saved, and brother was FINE, he was almost everything on my list (lol) …. so in my mind i was winning in life, i had met my future husband just by “surrendering” i probably have an entire journal for that season, i was ready to add relationship counsellor to my titles sef…. but you see God cannot be mocked.. i’d like to tell you how it went but let’s just say my “future husband” is engaged and almost married right now and me? I’m right here at unspoken woman sharing my gist with my darling single sisters.

Now it a very funny thing but this is the reality God cannot be mocked, he sees your heart and knows what you really want when you talk to him, he knows about your desire to be married, its okay to have a desire, its okay to pray about it, its okay to struggle with surrendering but its not okay to lie about it, see we need to be vulnerable enough with the lord and let him know of our desires, stop pretending before him, if there’s anyone we should be honest with the most its the lord because he knows anyway. When i think about what happened with me i was lying to the lord that i was content single when i was not and then the father of all lies heard me and decided to have fun with my lies by making me come in contact with someone who wasn’t mine, because the truth is you cannot sow lies and reap truth, you cannot sow hypocrisy and reap honesty.

Truth is surrendering your desire does take effort but it’s worth it, but here’s what you should know until you are totally ready to surrender don’t pretend to do it, don’t surrender because you want him to send you a partner in a hurry, surrender because you really are content in your singleness, and if you’re not content just tell him and ask for grace to just do as he’ll have you do.

 

Love always

Bee

HIDE AND SEEK

hide-and-seek

Growing up one of my favorite game was hide and seek, my major hide out spot within the house was the wardrobe in my room, I’d simply sit there sometimes because there I could hear and know when someone was inside without turning myself in, there were even times I’d sit in the wardrobe and lift up the clothes there and place them over my head just so wouldn’t be seen. But more than just for hide and go seek i hid in there when i had offended and i was going to be disciplined and i didn’t want to be disciplined or didn’t want to apologize. The problem with staying there however is the fact that a wardrobe wasn’t built for humans to stay it was built for stuff so there’s no provision for ventilation, personally i like to refer to a wardrobe as solitary confinement of some sort, it a place of isolation where you get to hear and feel everyone being free but you can’t move out because you’re in hiding, you can’t make sounds because you don’t want to be seen, but worse is you are prone to being preyed upon in there. I remember a time there was a cockroach in the one I was in and on a normal day I’d probably have shouted of even killed it butt because I was trying not to be seen i was silent and allowed a cockroach share my space (or rather i shared its space with it), another thing is did in my wardrobe was to hide stuff I didn’t want anyone else to see (things I wasn’t proud of or things i shouldn’t have), furthermore I hid in the wardrobe to eat when I didn’t want to share my food (don’t judge me).

baku-light-natural-solid-mango-triple-wardrobe-5605607133b5b

A lot of us are playing hide and seek with the lord, we’ve messed up, the very things we promised never to do are the exact things we’ve been doing and we know we’re in the wrong but we aren’t ready to be disciplined so we step into the wardrobe, and send ourselves into solitary confinement, and we’re choking because there’s no air for us in the wardrobe, the spirit of God in us is being choked by our hiding, we can’t say the very things we should say, we can hear everyone else speaking but we can’t speak because we’re in hiding. But funny is the fact that hardly ever do we hide in total isolation, there’s always one person who knows we are hiding many times i hid in the wardrobe one of my siblings knew where i was and i was legit at their mercy during my hiding because i was scared they would expose me, many times when we go into hiding we put ourselves at the mercy of people who know we are hiding and why we are hiding. On the other hand some of us are hiding stuff that we know we shouldn’t have, our sins, our secret struggle our pains, our trials, and we don’t want anyone else to see it for what it really is so we’re hiding them. Worse of all like i mentioned in the paragraph above is hiding our gifts our talents and been selfish with them, not wanting to share the beautiful gift God has blessed you with your world, some of us are amazing writers but the only one who knows is your journal,, some of us are beautiful singer but only your bathtub knows that.

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What’s funny however is that hiding doesn’t really achieve anything, we cannot stay in hiding forever except we don’t mind dying from suffocation (a story is told of how one of our former neighbor fainted in his wardrobe while hiding). So in the end hiding never pays of, it gives an initial sense of second class safety and then eventually destroys us. Hey there sister have you done something wrong, you are so sure the lord has no mercy for you, he does do feel like you need to hide because you’re so messed up? No you’re not. One of the things i did in the wardrobe was when i was abused i went in there to sit and cry it didn’t seem like anything to me at the time but as I write its coming to me in a new light, perhaps like me you walking into your wardrobe to mourn when something happened and unknown to you, you left your real self inn there you need to get yourself out of the wardrobe, your life is full of hiding and secrecy, sins you have committed and habits you can’t break but you have them all hidden in the wardrobe putting pretty clothes upon them and a beautiful smile over it and you spirit is upset locked up in hiding and there is no breathing for it, you’re sweating inside, choking, fainting but we are too scare to come out, we’re aren’t ready to deal with the pain and vulnerability that come with coming out so we keep ourselves hidden, we want to be free but we are not ready, come out of the wardrobe bring with you all those things you’ve kept hidden in the wardrobe (sins, struggles, hurts, bitterness) bring them all out, get rid of them, they’d stop you from growing, there’s air out here, there’s safety out here in the arms of the lord, stop hiding your gifts and talents you’re blessed to be a blessing, get up and use it. Its time you stop the game of hide and seek its time to get out of that wardrobe, its time to clean up and get rid other those things we’ve comfortably hidden in the wardrobe, its time to come out and quit playing hide and seek.

DEAR SINGLE SISTER: DONT MOVE WITH THE FLOW

 

I wrote this piece several years ago and shared it on the blog i ran at the time, but its relevant for what i want to write on today so I’d pretty much just share it and explain a little further, what is funny about this is I wrote it as a fictional story but a few years down the line it became my own story, now mine wasn’t exactly same but it was similar anyway.

“ It’s Friday again, this time two weeks ago I’d have made plans to clear my schedule for the weekend and go to my “boyfriend” Demola’s house. Actually Demola was never really my boyfriend as he never asked me out o, however while I did all the chores of a girlfriend he never corrected me so we just kept on moving with the flow, However I was careful not to introduce him to anybody as my boyfriend, and every time his hungry friends came to his house and ate the food I had so painstakingly prepared and would keep calling me “our wife” I never stopped them from calling that neither did I accept it. Demola never said anything about our relationship or whatever it is we were doing neither did I ask.

Anyway we kept on moving with the flow until one Friday, Demola came to pick me as he always did on Fridays, I walked like a boss to the passenger side of the car but as I opened the door I saw a babe there I was shocked at first but my sense told me she was his sister, or maybe a cousin or the daughter to one of his moms friend or something else, so with these thoughts I walked to the back and sat there, few minutes later Demola turned to me smiled and introduced me to the babe as his best friend who was more like a sister to him and introduced her to me as his fiancée, trust me 50 waves of shock hit me in succession, I had an instant brain riot but somehow in the midst of all these I managed a polite smile and a “nice to meet you” to the babe. Minutes later I told Demola I was going to be dropping off at the bus stop close to my mom’s as I had earlier planned to spend the weekend with my  mom and see him the next day, then his babe turned to me and with her irritating high pitched voice and said “Demola said you always spend the weekend with him, you can’t change that because of my presence”  honestly I felt like slapping her in that moment but I politely smiled at her and said “no its not you I just haven’t seen my mum in a long time and she’s been calling to see me so I thought I could surprise her this weekend” as I finished my statement we got to the bus stop I came down immediately managed a quick polite goodbye and left. When they drove off I practically ran the rest of the way home, thankfully there was no one in when I got home so I ran to my bed room and threw myself on my bed and before I knew it I had tears on my cheeks and screamed “dear BOAZ where are you?”

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One of the things we need to do as single ladies is to be sure of whatever it is we are doing with whoever is in our lives, it’s even worse in the Christendom all the brother and sister in Christ something and one person is catching feelings while the other is is catching cruise (whatever that means, it just sounded cool so i said it). Basically its very necessary to define whatever it is you all are doing, is purpose, and act accordingly, don’t assume that just because a man calls you Baby or cares for you, y’all have lunch together even share a plate makes him your boyfriend, if he doesn’t ask you to be his girlfriend don’t even assume you are, you need to be intentional when it comes to dating, stop wasting your time moving with the flow with a man who isn’t even sure of what he wants, it doesn’t take a man so long to know he wants you, if he doesn’t ask he probably doesn’t want you like that, perhaps he sees you as a friend, or something like that, but you need to know. Have no shame ask him what y’all are doing, if you’re too shy to ask directly then please ask diplomatically but ask you must, you have a right to know your place in people’s lives and act accordingly it took me a while to learn the importance this until one pseudo relationship almost destroyed me, i was sure we were an item and did something’s i wouldn’t ordinarily do for anyone, and one evening we’re in a hotel with a group of people when someone tells me about my “boyfriends” girlfriend.. lol funny thing is i was there with him and said girlfriend was also there, I’d never forget how my heart felt that day, it was one of those kind of pain that left you unable to cry because it came with shame, if i had asked him he would have told me he wasn’t my boyfriend because he’s quite honest but i figured moving with the flow couldn’t hurt but it did hurt real bad at that. Now we’ve broken up and we never even dated.

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Also just because someone is your boyfriend doesn’t always mean he’s your husband, even an engagement ring could be returned, hence you’ve got to be careful not to treat boyfriends like husbands, he’s not your husband i don’t see how it’s your duty to cook and clean his home, now there could be times he’d come by your home and you make lunch for him that’s okay, perhaps you two have a picnic and you cook that’s fine, but turning yourself into his maid is a big NO, he’s not your husband yet, don’t be giving him husbandly privileges, i wouldn’t even bring up sex here, i think you should know that gift doesn’t belong to anyone who isn’t your lawfully wedded partner.